The following is a textual representation of a true-life conversation between a man and his God-knows-what. Whatever you do, you must not take the event which follows with a pinch of salt.
Sens O’ Humour (SOH): Knock Knock.
Man: Who’s there?
SOH: Sens O’ Humour.
Man: Sense of whom?
SOH: You heard me the first time but for emphasis, I shall repeat myself. It is your bosom companion, Sens O’ Humour.
Man: (slightly irritated) Whatever. Thanks for dropping by. You can go away now.
SOH: Oh wait, what happened? You failed an exam?
Man: I am not writing any exams currently.
SOH: Oh shit. I offer my condolences. You suffered bereavement, didn’t you? Was it your dog? Poor sod.
Man: No, I didn’t suffer bereavement.
SOH: Why won’t you let me in then?
Man: (grudgingly) Woman trouble.
SOH: Woman trouble? Woman trouble? Are you nuts?
Man: What kind of nuts do you have in mind?
SOH: I see you are nuts.
Man: I’m quite partial to chestnuts… and groundnuts too.
SOH: I was merely asking if you are crazy, nothing to do with chestnuts and/or groundnuts.
Man: (smirks self-satisfactorily) Oh, you should just have said so then.
SOH: Let me get this straight. You do not want me, your bosom companion, cos of a woman? Did she steal your money?
Man: No, she stole my heart.
SOH: She stole your heart? Oh I get it. Open heart surgery huh? Doctors are a dastardly lot; why in this world would you want to date a doc, especially a foreign-trained one?
Man: Don’t be silly.
SOH: That’s about my default setting.
Man: (looks into the distance) I loved her.
SOH: That’s an unnecessary outburst because I see no mentions of “heart” in that statement.
Man: You do know you love with your heart right?
SOH: It’d be really difficult for me to know that.
Man: Shame I didn’t notice earlier.
SOH: Still doesn’t explain how a woman can steal your heart.
Man: Okay, what is it you do not understand?
SOH: Correct me if I’m wrong, but your heart is inside your body, no?
Man: If you want, I can furnish you with a more technical description.
SOH: Save it for your next foreign doc consort, but I’m still puzzled as to how your heart could be stolen without your knowledge. Are you alright?
Man: Are you familiar with the term “figuratively”?
SOH: That’s a bit rich.
Man: Why is that?
SOH: I’m a “sense” too.
Man: Ok. You win. What’s your point?
SOH: That’s a fair compromise to begin with.
Man: Do you know she broke my heart too?
SOH: This keeps getting better.
Man: (exasperated) Can you be serious for once?
SOH: That’s ironic, surely?
Man: (sighs deeply)
SOH: She stole your heart and now she’s broken it.
SOH: I should sing a prehumous requiem for us both then.
Man: (angrily) You know what? Fuck off!
SOH: No need to get testy or be vulgar.
Man: I’ll bloody well swear when I please!
SOH: Suit yourself. Oh and try to swell while you’re at it. Your ribs could do with a little more flesh over them.
SOH: Don’t get a heart attack. Oh wait…
Man: Fuck you! I’m only talking to you because there’s no else.
SOH: I think you’re actually talking to yourself. You’ll look really swanky in one of those straitjackets.
Man: (menacingly) I know what exactly I’m gonna do to you.
SOH: What – find some other flighty bimbo who’ll steal me too?
Man: I give up
SOH: Not the ghost hopefully…
Man: Arrrggggghhh! (slumps)